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Donald Trump Is (will) Ruining Our Country

Mar 5, 2016 10:55 pm
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Blame it.  It is so easy to get on the Donald Trump “I can’t believe this is happening, this is ludicrous” band wagon.  And we should give voice to disrespect, childish behavior, racisms, deceit, manipulation, hate and abuse of power.  Donald Trump is definitely breaking rules and breaking systems.  He is not someone I am proud of, would want to know or take home to my dog, much less my mom or family, even the members I don’t like very much.

Name it.  I refuse to give that man my energy, unlike the media who cannot help themselves. Much like I was with candy as a child.  I also refuse to live in fear.  I am not going to be afraid of him or for my country as I know fear only reaps fear.  I used to rant and rave and say I hated George W Bush.  Now, I sounded then, like people who hate Obama or Hillary sound now, I never want to be like that.  There is no conversation, no room to find our common ground.  Fear does not generate solutions, never will never does, all it does is foster and fuel more contraction, pain and suffering and broken systems.

Besides, anyone who really believes our entire country rests on the shoulders of one person, is short circuiting reality.  If you are going to get excited or pissed and the President, then you have to get as excited and pissed about the process to elect them, about Congress and Senate and Judicial arms of government.  You have to actually understand how government works and its role.

Breaking things down into black and white serves no one but media and sensationalism propaganda shows that call themselves news.  The question is not big or small or no government, the question is what role it plays in creating and protecting society.  It means facing our collective shadow that we have not paid full price for where we are as a country and the bill is due.  We built what we have today in part by courage, ingenuity, perseverance and resourcefulness.

We also built what we have today by extermination (of peoples, nations, animals, rights, etc.), repressing and denial of rights, social and environmental injustice, bullying, helping other countries in the name of service but really at the expense their expense for our gain (win/lose) to name a few.  These shadows are coming up now to be healed.  They are a reflection of the paradigms or beliefs that no longer serve us anymore (from the last century).  Their time has come, they need to break and be rebuilt new paradigms.

Change it.  Donald Trump is just a symbol of the unhealthy masculine in our country that needs to be healed.  I wish it were not true, but it is.  This country is still asleep (minus pods of people who are not, but are not yet the dominate voice).  Awakening is painful.  Anyone who thinks we can “return” to days of yesterday, power wise, economic, socially, etc. are ignoring reality. The past is not only over, it was built on an illusion that many are attached too.  The more you have (power or money) the more you have to lose or think you do.

This country is not ready for the ideas of Bernie Sanders, never mind those ideas are realities in other first world countries, we spout “they cannot work here”.  That is true, they cannot work here AND retain our current paradigms and associated systems.  Those countries have different operating paradigms and it is serving their people. This country is also not ready for a female leader, the masculine is still out of balance (500 years of patriarchy will do that).  Hillary has her own unhealthy masculine side and it serves as a mirror to others with the same unhealthy masculine, so they “hate” her.  They cannot even see the real her. You know that is true when you can hate her like some hate Donald. They are apples and oranges. And Ted and Rubio are just slick versions of the holding on to the past and the way the game used to be played. We have turned our elections into a football game of winning strategies instead of a thoughtful process that finds, nurtures and selects a leader of a country.  Winning a football game is about game plans, money and the key players.  That is not what leading a country requires.

So, we are stuck with the mess we are all responsible for. And my hope is Donald and this process will unite the people.  Wake us up to the fact that this is not about abortion, gay rights, who gets to pick the next judge, privacy, terrorism on our soil (leave it to us to make 2 shootings by ethnic AMERICANS about the entire Muslim conflict and middle east, one paint brush stroke and we make everything about us, and as a result don’t have to do anything real at home).

Until we can see our truth, how others see us and embrace our shadows, get real and get involved, we will have more Donald’s running in all parts of government.  The power lies with the people, will we take it or give it up to the circus? The question is when, how much damage and suffering will it take to not only wake up, but to own our shadow as a country and actually be about the people.  The illusion we will lose quality of life is ignoring we already are.

Submit your Blame It, Name It, Change It

Understand versus Agree

Mar 5, 2016 10:19 pm
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These two words have melded together in action in our society and it is causing division, suffering and harm.  Think about the last power struggle you were in, perhaps with a child, sibling, partner, peer, boss or contractor.  Some issue or concern that had the energy of “my way or the highway” a black and white decision perhaps, no win win only a winner and a loser.  The more there is a stake the more each side dug in their heels.  The possibility of finding common ground or common needs from which to build a solution is lost.

Relive one of these power struggles and you will find, in either you or the other or both parties when understanding was used synonymously as agreement.  It likely was never spoken, but energetically, if you understood the other there was a risk it would be perceived as an agreement and then you would lose.  And they energetically felt the same.

The moment that understanding is used the same as agreement is the exact moment there is no win win option, there can only be a winner and a loser.  In some cases, two parties start a relationship or discussion with this mistake. In other cases it develops along the way.  The result is the same, division and neither side getting what they need.

Understanding another, whether that is an opinion, action, choice, motive or you name it, means comprehension.  It means I hear what you are saying, requesting, need, feel, want, require for example, and I comprehend it.  It doesn’t have to make sense to me to understand it.  For a moment I can fully hear you, listen to you as if I was you and comprehend.  Not judge it, not make logic of it, not believe it and not agree with it – but just comprehend it.   You can understand something, something fully and not agree with it or agree with it.

Agreement is totally different than understanding.  Often, for agreement to occur, an understanding has also occurred.  You agree to things you understand, almost automatically or without acknowledgement.  But you also agree with things you do not understand.  That requires trust and faith but you have and will do that again. Remember a time when you allowed a friend, lover or child do something you did not understand but you agreed to it?

When we use understanding and agreement as equals we do a disservice to ourselves, others and what we might create or prevent together.  Pay attention to when disagree with someone but cannot create space to understand them that is using them as synonyms.  You fear that if you understand them and let them know, they will think you agree and your needs will not be met.  Pay attention when you are demanding someone agree with you when all you may need is understanding.  It will change what you ask for and how.  Pay attention to when you agree, notice your level of understanding in that agreement.  Pay attention when others are asking you for agreement, decipher if what they really want is understanding or agreement, and choose based on an evaluation of both.

What is the Woo Woo Breakdown? 

Get over it!  Just love yourself.  There is a reason this happened.  Don’t take it so personally.  It is their problem, let it go.  These are examples of what I call “woo woo” statements.  You know some magic is in them, but you can’t crack the code and access the relief you are seeking.  They remain words without any tangible meaning.  

 

I decided to create the Woo Woo Breakdown and bring some insight. Take these as seeds and tend your own garden, add your own comments or post a Woo Woo for Barb to breakdown.

 

Formula—-examples of the conversation, what others want, when say it, what they mean, need versus.  What you need.  What you can do for yourself.

What is your Pet Peeve?

Feb 6, 2016 8:07 pm
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Blame it, name it and change it.  One of my pet peeves is double standards.   Often when I am triggered by someone else’s double standard it is because I have one going on myself in my inner world. What I am believing inside does not align with what I am saying or doing.  And oooh, do I hate it when others see it before me, that can set off a self loathing cycle if I let it.

As long as I am human I will have these moments I am not aligned – I almost look forward to them because now I understand that when I catch it early, I save myself and others, especially those I love, a mini series of drama and trauma.  That movie eventually shows me my own double standards.

The trick is to be able too see what is mine and what is not. There are indeed many people, institutions, families, cultures and such with double standards. And yes they need to get in alignment.  They do so as each individual within aligns themselves.  That can take decades or even death, especially for cultures and institutions.  We are seeing it today in health, food, environmental, economic and education systems.

When I am triggered by another’s double standard – go inward and ask what needs are not being met? What core values are being violated?  What beliefs are being challenged?  Where are you saying and doing something different?  Where do you need to get in alignment?  Alignment happens when you identify what you need to let go that is no longer serving you, when you upgrade, replace or transform a belief about yourself.  You own your story and your power.  Then, and only then can you return to the situation and be a resource to help the “other” transform.  You have done your work and are not making them about you.  Now you can see them for what and who they are or aren’t. It may be they don’t need to now (to make you feel better), or you chose not to be the change agent, bless them and let them learn in their time.  Let it go.

Name your pet peeve in a comment below!

 

Get Your S&!#t together!

Feb 6, 2016 7:56 pm
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Pull yourself together. Calm down. Get it together.  You may tell it to yourself. Or others might be whispering in your ear or screaming it in your face.  What does that mean? How does it feel?  Uncomfortable. An awakening; perhaps deserved, perhaps not.  Press pause, like you do on a video, and take a breath, maybe a few breaths.  Create a space.

If someone else is telling you to get it together, it is likely a double message.  First and foremost they are telling you that becuase they are impacted by something you are doing.  Maybe they have to change, don’t want to hear the truth and if you pull it together they will be okay, in control, back to normal, won’t look stupid, fill in the blank.  That is 100% their show, their movie, their problem they are asking you to manage.

Call a spade a spade and loving don’t accept the assignment.  Lovingly means you can say no without making you or them bad, shamed or guilty.  Claim your power, use ‘I’ language, make your choice to not do their work about your choice to do your own work first, which is all you have control over anyhow. Any work you do for others is really for yourself and only delays what they will need to do for themselves, no matter how uncomfortable, hard or challenging that is for you. Let them go and in doing so you let them be – that is love.

Second part of their double message, is likely a voice saying, I care about you, I want you to have what you need and want, but I don’t know how to do it for you, give it to you.  Some part of me knows that but I can only say it this way. Get yourself together, for you.  You can say thank you for caring.  I am not broken, I am growing and learning, which means I take risks and mis-takes, or perhaps do things you don’t understand, I am on my path not anyone else’s.  That is what forgiveness and compassion is for. Bless me and bless you on our paths.  I need compassion and FILL IN THE BLANK. It is okay if you can’t provide that right now. I move at my pace and that is okay. I am okay.

If you are saying this to yourself, then it is time to tell that inner critic to use a voice you can hear.  Speak to yourself in a way you can hear, a way you would speak to others, perhaps you as a child.  Thank your inner critic for showing you where you may be out of alignment with your values, truth, integrity.  You will call upon other parts of you to help, your rebel, wise one, strong one, protector, organizer who ever is needed.  You will ask for help from guides, allies and mentors.  As long as you are yelling at me though, nothing will change, so either come along and help or sit down and shut up. I hear you.

And finally, check yourself when you say this to others.  Own your double message in what you are projecting on to them and ask them what they need, be okay if you cannot provide it, listening is healing.  It is likely they don’t need someone else to tell them what the already know.  Do you?

Submit your own Woo-Woo: